[Mishmash] Fw: alternate citizenship test

[David Brown]

Here are my answers

LANGUAGE
 1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of,
the term "died in the arse"?
Usually refers to something badly under performing after looking good.  Eg
the horse was leading into the final turn then “died in the arse”.

    Shot in the ***?
Dark I think.  Meaning to have a wild guess.
or Arm meaning a pick me up.

 2. What is a mole?
    6.023 times 10 to the 23rd power (Avogadros Number).
Fred’s answer is not correct in this context.  A mole is a woman of low
repute.

 3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a  U-ey?
They are completely unrelated.  
Take a day off on sick leave without necessarily being justified.  
Act like a spastic – being very silly as in spitting the dummy incorrectly.
Make a U-turn.

 4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the 
 relos rocked up for a Barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of
a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies,
bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block
after Dad and Steve had a Barney and a bit of biffo."

    Well, Barbie means barbecue.  I think bevvies means beverages.  Snags
are little Australian sausages.  Pressies means presents.

    That's about as far as I can go with this one.
Fred had a good try.
In the afternoon on last Christmas Day the relatives turned up for a
barbecue, have a few alcoholic drinks and eat some sausages.  I was sick so
I took some headache powder and had a rest.  We then opened the Christmas
presents, ate all the chocolate and the biscuits (cookies) and the sweets.
We then drank a few cans of beer.  Mum got upset because Dad and Steve had
an argument and then a fight.

 CUSTOMS
 1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana.  If
they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca
Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a
brown eye and having a slash?

    I'm lost on this one.
Three boys (all boys have nick names) are driving their car (Torana) to
Surfer Paradise.  They are listening to Jimmy Barnes, Johnny Farnham and
AC/DC.  How many cases of beer (slab – 24 cans or stubby bottles) will they
drink between baring their arses (flashing a brown eye) to another car and
stopping to urinate (having a slash).  

That is a difficult question to answer.  The time between stops usually
decreases as the slabs disappear.

 2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't
>> bother

    knocking.
Correct

 … b) You're going home in the back of a …

    Hearse.
Correct.  This usually is the part of a blue (fight)
 
C) Fair suck of the …

    BLEEP.
Sav, short for saveloy, a form of frakfurt.  Meaning please be fair with me
or often “you don’t expect me to believe that do you?”

 3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

    Well, I'd guess that the gutful would be a stomach full of beer.
Close but more general.  Having a gutful means you are fed up with what ever
is going on.  I have had a gut full of the Prime Minister, the neighbours,
the referee.  I cant be fagged is that you cant put up with it any longer
but will not do anything about it.

 4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

    Couldn't tell you.
A wedgie is when you pull someone’s shorts tight into their crutch from
behind them.  This is usually done at a barby as the arvo progresses and the
slabs disappear.

 5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard up on
blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
    No, the homeowner's associations would fine them for that.
This is a very “western suburbs” (ie the opposite to the north shore – very
ordinary place) thing to do and usually associated with ordinary people
called Keith, Bruce, Cheryl etc.  It is also very common amongst Aboriginal
people.

 FOOD
 1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat,
>> cabbage,
 curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow
>> mein,
 chop suey or Kai see Ming?

    No, my family rarely eats Chinese.  But it was my understanding (and
experience) that Mexican is the most popular cuisine in Australia.
Not as far as I know.  A chow feed is still a ritual in the western suburbs.

 2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

    No clue.
Mince meat, onions, bread crumbs.  Form into a pattie and fry.  People from
the north shore add herbs but they are snooty.

 3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

    Tear the wrapper off and eat it (I can get Tim Tam's at the Australian
Bakery Cafe here in Marietta, by the way).
Tim Tams are an icon.  I have seen people suck off the chocolate coverture,
then separate the layers and eat them individually.  I have also seen them
dunked in tea or coffee.  Me, I am lazy and just eat them.
Fred, can you get iced vovos and monte carlos too?

 4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and
>> other
 dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?

    No, I don't.

 5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and
two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has  been nicked
from a bath full of ice?

    Never.
Three bean salad comes in a tin and is often seen at barbecues.  A chop is a
cut of lamb with a bone and pav is pavlova, a fabulous desert made of baked
beaten egg white topped with whipped cream, kiwi fruit, strawberries and
passion fruit.  Shaky Islanders think they invented pav but that is an urban
myth.  They also pinched kiwi fruit which used to be called chinese
gooseberries.

 6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat Barbie can you eat other>>
people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

    We usually share.
It is not usually good form here to eat what others bring unless they invite
you to.  If you do you might become known as a bludging bastard.

 7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by
law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

    I have no clue.
That is unforgivable.  A hamburger without beetroot is unthinkable anywhere
other than Maccas.

 CULTURE
 1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of 
 thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?

    This one I have not heard.
A flimsy rubber sandal known to Kiwis a jandles and elsewhere as flip flops.
The iconic brand name of a portable ice box.
Sheepskin slippers.

 2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

    You tell me.
Absolutely and circle work is often the cause.  
Have an accident in the car
Spinning the car to make doughnut shaped skid marks on the road

 3. Who would you like to crack on to?

    Now, let's keep this clean.
The answer is “a good sort”.  
You “crack onto” or pick up sheilas or women.

 4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue"
Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

    No clue.
I am not sure either but I would discount Kylie Minogue.
Kevin Bloody Wilson is a comic.
John Williamson is a country singer who has managed to cross the gap and
become accepted by the main stream.  Hey True Blue was one of his successes.
A true blue Aussie is dinky di or genuine.
Warnie is Shane Warne.  He holds the world record for the most test cricket
wickets taken by a bowler.  He is also a bit of lad and often got caught
being naughty.  He was photographed with a fag in his mouth after publicly
signing a no smoking pledge, he was caught too many times to count having
extra marital affairs and so on.  He is much loved.

 5. Is there someone you are only mates with because They own a trailer or
have a pool?

    No.
In this case a trailer is not a caravan but a small open box on wheels.  An
Aussie either owns a trailer or knows someone who does.  It is essential for
going to the tip.

 6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

    No.  I can't handle beer.
This comes from a Slim Dusty song.  The correct answer is yes.  I’d rather
have a beer with Duncan, because Duncan’s me mate.

 The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and
cheat.

    Oh, well.

A crock is short for a crock of shit as in what the Prime Minister said on
the tube last night was a real crock.  Don’t accept a word of it or you will
be seen as a real silly bastard.


 
Fred



-----Original Message-----
From: mishmash-bounces at mishmash.net [mailto:mishmash-bounces at mishmash.net]
On Behalf Of Fred Atkinson
Sent: Tuesday, 18 September 2007 11:17 AM
To: Mishmash
Subject: Re: [Mishmash] Fw: alternate citizenship test

>> > LANGUAGE
>> > 1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the
>> origin of,
>> > the term "died in the arse"?

    Shot in the ***?

>> > 2. What is a mole?

    6.023 times 10 to the 23rd power (Avogadros Number).

>> > 3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-
>> ey?

    I have no idea.

>> > 4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos
>> > rocked up for a Barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of
>> a Bex
>> > and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies,
>> bickies
>> > and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block
>> after Dad
>> > and Steve had a Barney and a bit of biffo."

    Well, Barbie means barbecue.  I think bevvies means beverages.  Snags 
are little Australian sausages.  Pressies means presents.

    That's about as far as I can go with this one.

>> > CUSTOMS
>> > 1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana.
>> If
>> > they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey
>> and
>> > Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume
>> between
>> > flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

    I'm lost on this one.

>> > 2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't
>> bother

    knocking.

>> > … b) You're going home in the back of a …

    Hearse.

>> > C) Fair suck of the …

    BLEEP.

>> > 3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

    Well, I'd guess that the gutful would be a stomach full of beer.

>> > 4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

    Couldn't tell you.

>> > 5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard
>> "up
>> > on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

    No, the homeowner's associations would fine them for that.

>> > FOOD
>> > 1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat,
>> cabbage,
>> > curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow
>> mein,
>> > chop suey or Kai see Ming?

    No, my family rarely eats Chinese.  But it was my understanding (and 
experience) that Mexican is the most popular cuisine in Australia.

>> > 2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

    No clue.

>> > 3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

    Tear the wrapper off and eat it (I can get Tim Tam's at the Australian 
Bakery Cafe here in Marietta, by the way).

>> > 4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and
>> other
>> > dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?

    No, I don't.

>> > 5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a
>> chop and
>> > two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been
>> > nicked from a bath full of ice?

    Never.

>> > 6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat Barbie can you eat other
>> people's
>> > meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

    We usually share.

>> > 7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is
>> required by
>> > law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

    I have no clue.

>> > CULTURE
>> > 1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs,
>> an
>> > Esky or Ugg boots?

    This one I have not heard.

>> > 2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

    You tell me.

>> > 3. Who would you like to crack on to?

    Now, let's keep this clean.

>> > 4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True
>> Blue"
>> > Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

    No clue.

>> > 5. Is there someone you are only mates with because
>> > They own a trailer or have a pool?

    No.

>> > 6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

    No.  I can't handle beer.

>> > The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock
>> and
>> > cheat.

    Oh, well.




 
Fred


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