[Mishmash] OUTSOURCING

[Fred Atkinson]

     Washington, DC -- June 19, 2009

 

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3
months. It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of
the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The
cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
"We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current
level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

 

Mr. Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

 

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Fal ls, NY. Thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
health coverage or other benefits.

 

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US And India , he will be working primarily at night.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

 

I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh
may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of
President, this should not be a problem as President Obama had never
been familiar with the issues either.

 

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned
responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand
the underlying issue at all.

 

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson."President Obama has used them successfully for years,
with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was
talking about."

 

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will
be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
will exceed the allowed limit.

 

Mr. Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of
Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his
upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Obama may have
difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any
successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at
WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive experience at shaking
hands, as well as his special smile.
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